You know, this might sound odd as I am not sure if you would ever go through this blog of mine, but I had the urge to write about this. Has been ages since we have bidden good bye, with me congratulating myself of my aloofness, but yes I have started missing you. Missing you, is not easy, given the fact that I was responsible for the state we are in now.
You were strange, with the glee in your eyes, and the general sense of euphoria you had when you were with me. I thought you were immature, and I thought you did not know what you were getting into. For me, I had no realisation why I had started on this journey, with you when I did not want to get into anything from the first place. Why was I so hell bent to get out of it, when I got into it, is also something I do not understand yet.
Yes, I was repelled at the idea of you being close to me, and I do not know why I had that feeling. But when yesterday, I again saw your picture something stirred in me. I have been fighting that feeling, of the strange emotions which rises in me, at times, when I am silent. Now, I can understand that it is those moments that I had shared with you, that I miss. No, I was not in love with you, do not know even if I can ever be in love with you, yet I had shared something intimate with you, which I miss.
Yesterday, was again one of those days, when I started to miss you. Missing you is not an easy emotion as I am not sure what I miss about you. May be I miss the warmth of another human being, the security of those eyes, which used to worship me literally, but yes I do miss you.
Given a chance, I am not sure if I would like to go along with you. We are different in more than one way, what I want I am not sure who can give, what you want I am not sure if I can give. My search would continue, the longing of my heart refuses to go, but I am not sure what I can do about it.
You had come, you were there to share the longing, but I being a coward came out of it. I am not sure, if I am sorry or if I can ever be pardoned but I know I had loved you even if it was for a fleeting moment.
You were strange, with the glee in your eyes, and the general sense of euphoria you had when you were with me. I thought you were immature, and I thought you did not know what you were getting into. For me, I had no realisation why I had started on this journey, with you when I did not want to get into anything from the first place. Why was I so hell bent to get out of it, when I got into it, is also something I do not understand yet.
Yes, I was repelled at the idea of you being close to me, and I do not know why I had that feeling. But when yesterday, I again saw your picture something stirred in me. I have been fighting that feeling, of the strange emotions which rises in me, at times, when I am silent. Now, I can understand that it is those moments that I had shared with you, that I miss. No, I was not in love with you, do not know even if I can ever be in love with you, yet I had shared something intimate with you, which I miss.
Yesterday, was again one of those days, when I started to miss you. Missing you is not an easy emotion as I am not sure what I miss about you. May be I miss the warmth of another human being, the security of those eyes, which used to worship me literally, but yes I do miss you.
Given a chance, I am not sure if I would like to go along with you. We are different in more than one way, what I want I am not sure who can give, what you want I am not sure if I can give. My search would continue, the longing of my heart refuses to go, but I am not sure what I can do about it.
You had come, you were there to share the longing, but I being a coward came out of it. I am not sure, if I am sorry or if I can ever be pardoned but I know I had loved you even if it was for a fleeting moment.
